An Ocean

May 12, 2007

Welcome to the World

Who knows why life happens the way it does. Does anyone know, really? I would like to never know, to never understand the countless injustices and strands of fate as they intertwine with the secret cords of existence and all the ever passes, ever.

Because the weight of understanding such a world and its innermost workings would be a crushing blight to the soul. It would be hard to exist and difficult to keep a hopeful spirit in the face of such abounding possibility.

And so I search, hoping never to find. I don’t want to know, and though I care more than anything, I desire to never encounter that image of truth out there in the darkness. I want to live life like I’m swimming - completely and utterly content to float above the madness, never concerning myself with that which lies below. I would lie flat along the surface, close my eyes to the enormity of the above, and look only at the back of my eyelids. The light would look like two orbs of shade and the subtlety of it would keep me blind to its harsh, penetrating stare.

And yet, I am out there. It is I who have swam out to these depths, to the middle of the unknown into a sea of untold magnitude and possibilities. And so I am treading water at the above confinements of my dreams. All is there, just below, waiting to be discovered.

An ocean of life, love, pain, discovery, torment, injustice, miracles, death, suffering, elation, laughter, singing, and silence.

I open my eyes, feel the weight of my body slide into the upper edges of mystery and begin to sink into the abyss of it all. As I inhale, and breathe in the delicious freshness of illusion, I fill myself with the pleasure of unknowing. I gulp in the final moments of the rocking, cradling currents of safety. They will be my last. In a final gasp, I allow the vastness of what lies beyond to take hold and surrender into the crevices of my soul; descend into the beautiful madness.

I wonder what I will discover within its limitlessness depths…welcomed into the world.